I’ve been asked this question many times ever since I got into the coaching field in 2018.
My answer has been unequivocal: that my journey started back in 2014, when I was 20, I lost my best friend to depression. That was, and still is, one of the lowest moments of my life where though not clinically diagnosed, I fell into depression myself. I was in university then and residing in one of the halls, where a hallmate engaged Tong Yee (ontological coach, Org Devt practitioner and consultant) from The Thought Collective to conduct a 5-week workshop training in my hall. Being so deep in grief, I forced myself to attend that hoping something could help me break out of my depressive state.
That workshop was my first experience with ontological concepts, working with the body (somatics), language, and emotions, to attain deeper self-awareness of my moods and beliefs. Though I learned some things about myself, I didn’t experience major emotional shifts given I was still deeply grieving. I felt numb throughout most of the workshop.
After the 5 weeks, participants were given the option to further enrol in an immersive 3-day socio-emotional learning (SEL) youth facilitation training with The Thought Collective and numb me thought: “Why not? I had nothing more to lose.” (That’s how I felt then).
So I went for the training in 2015, and a 5-minute toilet break during that training changed my life. I had gone into it feeling the same numbness for the first 2 days. But during that break we on day 2, my trainer came up to speak with me. This was how the conversation went:
Trainer: “How are you doing? How’s the training going for you?”
Me: “It’s okay. I’m not feeling much. Just going through the motions.”
Me: (I don’t know what overcame me to say this, but I did)
“I feel terrible, wretched about my friend’s death. No one understands how I’m feeling.”
Trainer: “How long are you going to keep victimising yourself?”
This question stopped me in my tracks. (At that moment, my trainer walked away to prepare for the next part of the training.)
It hit me like a bolt, the realisation that I was largely feeling:
guilt + despair over the death + no one understands me =
I am justified to keep being this way, people should keep feeling sorry for me, and looking out for me and being nice to me.
This realisation started to thaw my numbness.
I began to forgive myself, forgive what happened, and forgive my friend for leaving me behind in the world with sorrow. My healing began. It didn’t start with therapy.
It started with coaching.
Check out the difference between Coaching and Therapy/ Counselling
It’s different for everyone, and for me, being coached by coaches who held space for me with tenderness, compassion, non-judgement, allowed me to safely, deeply explore and challenge my Being without self-aggression or self-disdain. Coaching gave me the transformation I needed to get out of my mood of despair and move forward towards my life goals with renewed vigour.
Since the SEL training in 2015, I became a youth facilitator with The Thought Collective, a certified NLP practitioner in 2018, a certified OD and Change Management Practitioner between 2020-2024, and a trained Ontological Coach in 2024.
I’m now actively coaching clients, and am deeply passionate about supporting them to create powerful, sustainable shifts in their own personal and professional lives.
I firmly believe what grounds us in life goes back to fundamental human tenets of Love, Care, Trust, Joy, and Lightness. Whoever you are and whatever point in life you are at, I’d love to work with you to achieve your better self and better results in your contexts, your relationships.
Let’s explore if coaching, and coaching with me, is a right fit for you. Book a free, 45 min exploratory call with me, let’s chat =)