“One big belief I held for 18 years was “๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ.”
I’ve moderate to severe atopic eczema. I remember my first serious flare at 13 years old – Secondary 1, new school, new friends, new everything. The stress that came with these transitions worsened my condition.
Extremely dry and flaky, angry red rashes on my entire neck, face, arms, legs.
I stood out like a sore thumb amidst a sea of normal, rash-free, scab-free, supple skin. My peers all looked so happy and joyful and itch-free. Even when they perspired, it didn’t leave them itching like crazy, nor were there open wounds stinging their skin in the cold, air-conditioned room…wishing it’ll all stop.
Some were insensitive – “Aiyo, omg your skin looks so bad.” “Is this contagious?”
Some didn’t want to touch me.
All these made me feel like I was diseased, unloved. I flinched when people touched me hoping they didn’t notice I had “abnormal” skin, hoping it didn’t make them feel I was ”icky“.
Over time, I hid myself under long sleeves, long pants. To conceal parts that attracted attention, made me feel unwanted, disgusted about my ugly skin.
In Secondary 4, my skin got better. I vividly remember something my Literature teacher said to me: “Kai Ying, you’re like a butterfly. You finally came out of your cocoon. You shed your hoodie, and you’re showing yourself.”
Fast forward to Now, I’m recovering from another severe flare that took place in July 2024.
I’ve been going for phototherapy sessions (๐ด๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฐ), twice weekly, for the past 20 weeks. You go into this capsule, they shine UV rays into the layers of your skin to suppress inflammation.
My skin’s better, but still recovering. And I realise how strongly I’ve tied my self-confidence, self-image to my skin condition.
NGL, the insecurity is still there. The I-want-to-hide, stop-looking-at-me.
But, I’ve learned to manage it better over the years. Now, I no longer flinch from hugs. I give hugs wanting others to know they are not unwanted, they are loved for who they are.
My awareness that I lived in this story helped me break out of it, to create new, more empowering narratives and accompanying habits of feeling and doing for myself.
My journey has shown me the importance of understanding our underlying beliefs before we can act to get results, which is a core principle of Ontological Coaching.
๐ถ ๐ณ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐’๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐’๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?
๐ถ ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐?
At Dasein Partners, I coach people for wholehearted empowerment – deeply understand and accept themselves to effect meaningful, lasting change in their personal and professional lives.If you’re looking for professional coaching in Singapore – or elsewhere – to help you uncover and transform limiting beliefs for effective, lasting results, I’m here to support you.
I know deep personal exploration can be uncomfortable. Let me partner you on this journey with care and concentration.
๐จ Message me now to have your complimentary 45-min discovery call ๐